customer service definition   ;-p


17 funny ways to ensure people remember you?

Some small businesses work really hard to ensure they are remembered.

The employees in these firms are extreamly creative in their approach:

* They always form a lasting impression that tatoos the company name and image into the customer's consciousness.

* They generate so much 'word-of-mouth' from each customer contact, you would think they own the business.



The following techniques must be secrets, because few people write about them. Yet thousands of companies manage to practice them every day.

Over my 37 years in the sales and marketing world I've seen them all, and made a list of the ones people tell me, are the most memorable.

Here are 17 ways to ensure your prospective customers remember you . . .

I suppose you could call it a customer service definition!


1. When you advertise your business, make sure you never tell them much about what you do. Or even better - turn them off!

2. Never show up on time (after all, they really don't expect you to).

3. When you answer your phone, always sound in a grumpy mood, or like they are an interruption to your day.

4. Forget a real person answering service; just let all the calls go to message bank or the answering machine 24/7.

5. Charge lots for overtime, even if it's only 5:30pm.

6. Make sure you have a hefty 'call out' charge and act offended if they question you about it. Don't forget to run to the hardware store for materials and charge for that time too.

7. When a customer asks you a question, say "It's technical. You wouldn't understand".

8. Make sure you never clean up the mess you made at their job, after all 

"That's what the little woman's for - isn't she?"

9. Always look for an opportunity to leave a mark on her dining table with your clipboard.

10. Always walk mud in, on your boots.

11. Tell people they ought to be satisfied with a job that looks like it does. After all, you reply, "it works - that's what you wanted didn't you?".

12. Buy old trucks and vans. Never wash them. Oh, of course, they should always leak oil.

13. Remember to take a break for a cigarette, at every job - and charge for that time too.

14. Never charge a flat rate. Always make your 'rough estimate' low, so you can surprise them later.

15. If they insist you give them an invoice, just write "Fixed unit - - $300" on it. Never sign any paperwork.

16. While the wife is standing there, talk directly to the husband as if she's not there. Always refer to her as "the little woman".


17. Remember doing up your fly is a waste of time. Be efficient. Leave the zipper down.


Did you get a smile, at my customer service definition?



Til next time,

© Paul Johnson 2013

Missing Piece Marketing

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